diff --git a/src/wp-includes/comment-template.php b/src/wp-includes/comment-template.php
index 5146c9f908..7b6e44c094 100644
--- a/src/wp-includes/comment-template.php
+++ b/src/wp-includes/comment-template.php
@@ -1233,57 +1233,54 @@ function comments_template( $file = '/comments.php', $separate_comments = false
 		$per_page = (int) get_option( 'comments_per_page' );
 	}
 
-	$flip_comment_order = $trim_comments_on_page = false;
-	if ( $post->comment_count > $per_page ) {
-		$comment_args['number'] = $per_page;
-
-		/*
-		 * For legacy reasons, higher page numbers always mean more recent comments, regardless of sort order.
-		 * Since we don't have full pagination info until after the query, we use some tricks to get the
-		 * right comments for the current page.
-		 *
-		 * Abandon all hope, ye who enter here!
-		 */
-		$page = (int) get_query_var( 'cpage' );
-		if ( 'newest' === get_option( 'default_comments_page' ) ) {
-			if ( $page ) {
-				$comment_args['order'] = 'ASC';
-
-				/*
-				 * We don't have enough data (namely, the total number of comments) to calculate an
-				 * exact offset. We'll fetch too many comments, and trim them as needed
-				 * after the query.
-				 */
-				$offset = ( $page - 2 ) * $per_page;
-				if ( 0 > $offset ) {
-					// `WP_Comment_Query` doesn't support negative offsets.
-					$comment_args['offset'] = 0;
-				} else {
-					$comment_args['offset'] = $offset;
-				}
-
-				// Fetch double the number of comments we need.
-				$comment_args['number'] += $per_page;
-				$trim_comments_on_page = true;
-			} else {
-				$comment_args['order'] = 'DESC';
-				$comment_args['offset'] = 0;
-				$flip_comment_order = true;
-			}
-		} else {
+	/*
+	 * For legacy reasons, higher page numbers always mean more recent comments, regardless of sort order.
+	 * Since we don't have full pagination info until after the query, we use some tricks to get the
+	 * right comments for the current page.
+	 *
+	 * Abandon all hope, ye who enter here!
+	 */
+	$flip_comment_order = $trim_comments_on_page= false;
+	$comment_args['number'] = $per_page;
+	$page = (int) get_query_var( 'cpage' );
+	if ( 'newest' === get_option( 'default_comments_page' ) ) {
+		if ( $page ) {
 			$comment_args['order'] = 'ASC';
-			if ( $page ) {
-				$comment_args['offset'] = ( $page - 1 ) * $per_page;
-			} else {
+
+			/*
+			 * We don't have enough data (namely, the total number of comments) to calculate an
+			 * exact offset. We'll fetch too many comments, and trim them as needed
+			 * after the query.
+			 */
+			$offset = ( $page - 2 ) * $per_page;
+			if ( 0 > $offset ) {
+				// `WP_Comment_Query` doesn't support negative offsets.
 				$comment_args['offset'] = 0;
+			} else {
+				$comment_args['offset'] = $offset;
 			}
+
+			// Fetch double the number of comments we need.
+			$comment_args['number'] += $per_page;
+			$trim_comments_on_page = true;
+		} else {
+			$comment_args['order'] = 'DESC';
+			$comment_args['offset'] = 0;
+			$flip_comment_order = true;
+		}
+	} else {
+		$comment_args['order'] = 'ASC';
+		if ( $page ) {
+			$comment_args['offset'] = ( $page - 1 ) * $per_page;
+		} else {
+			$comment_args['offset'] = 0;
 		}
 	}
 
 	$comment_query = new WP_Comment_Query( $comment_args );
 	$_comments = $comment_query->comments;
 
-	// Delightful pagination quirk #1: first page of results sometimes needs reordering.
+	// Delightful pagination quirk #1: `wp_list_comments()` expects the order to be wrong, so we make it wrong.
 	if ( $flip_comment_order ) {
 		$_comments = array_reverse( $_comments );
 	}
diff --git a/tests/phpunit/tests/comment/commentsTemplate.php b/tests/phpunit/tests/comment/commentsTemplate.php
new file mode 100644
index 0000000000..81166f0ebc
--- /dev/null
+++ b/tests/phpunit/tests/comment/commentsTemplate.php
@@ -0,0 +1,288 @@
+<?php
+
+/**
+ * @group comment
+ *
+ * Testing items that are only testable by grabbing the markup of `comments_template()` from the output buffer.
+ */
+class Tests_Comment_CommentsTemplate extends WP_UnitTestCase {
+	/**
+	 * @ticket 8071
+	 */
+	public function test_should_respect_comment_order_asc_when_default_comments_page_is_newest() {
+		$now = time();
+		$p = $this->factory->post->create();
+		$comment_1 = $this->factory->comment->create( array(
+			'comment_post_ID' => $p,
+			'comment_content' => '1',
+			'comment_post_gmt' => date( 'Y-m-d H:i:s', $now - 100 ),
+		) );
+		$comment_2 = $this->factory->comment->create( array(
+			'comment_post_ID' => $p,
+			'comment_content' => '2',
+			'comment_post_gmt' => date( 'Y-m-d H:i:s', $now - 200 ),
+		) );
+
+		update_option( 'comment_order', 'asc' );
+		update_option( 'default_comments_page', 'newest' );
+
+		$this->go_to( get_permalink( $p ) );
+		$found = get_echo( 'comments_template' );
+
+		// Life in the fast lane.
+		$comments = preg_match_all( '/id="comment-([0-9]+)"/', $found, $matches );
+
+		$found_cids = array_map( 'intval', $matches[1] );
+		$this->assertSame( array( $comment_1, $comment_2 ), $found_cids );
+	}
+
+	/**
+	 * @ticket 8071
+	 */
+	public function test_should_respect_comment_order_desc_when_default_comments_page_is_newest() {
+		$now = time();
+		$p = $this->factory->post->create();
+		$comment_1 = $this->factory->comment->create( array(
+			'comment_post_ID' => $p,
+			'comment_content' => '1',
+			'comment_post_gmt' => date( 'Y-m-d H:i:s', $now - 100 ),
+		) );
+		$comment_2 = $this->factory->comment->create( array(
+			'comment_post_ID' => $p,
+			'comment_content' => '2',
+			'comment_post_gmt' => date( 'Y-m-d H:i:s', $now - 200 ),
+		) );
+
+		update_option( 'comment_order', 'desc' );
+		update_option( 'default_comments_page', 'newest' );
+
+		$this->go_to( get_permalink( $p ) );
+		$found = get_echo( 'comments_template' );
+
+		// Life in the fast lane.
+		$comments = preg_match_all( '/id="comment-([0-9]+)"/', $found, $matches );
+
+		$found_cids = array_map( 'intval', $matches[1] );
+		$this->assertSame( array( $comment_2, $comment_1 ), $found_cids );
+	}
+
+	/**
+	 * @ticket 8071
+	 */
+	public function test_should_respect_comment_order_asc_when_default_comments_page_is_oldest() {
+		$now = time();
+		$p = $this->factory->post->create();
+		$comment_1 = $this->factory->comment->create( array(
+			'comment_post_ID' => $p,
+			'comment_content' => '1',
+			'comment_post_gmt' => date( 'Y-m-d H:i:s', $now - 100 ),
+		) );
+		$comment_2 = $this->factory->comment->create( array(
+			'comment_post_ID' => $p,
+			'comment_content' => '2',
+			'comment_post_gmt' => date( 'Y-m-d H:i:s', $now - 200 ),
+		) );
+
+		update_option( 'comment_order', 'asc' );
+		update_option( 'default_comments_page', 'oldest' );
+
+		$this->go_to( get_permalink( $p ) );
+		$found = get_echo( 'comments_template' );
+
+		// Life in the fast lane.
+		$comments = preg_match_all( '/id="comment-([0-9]+)"/', $found, $matches );
+
+		$found_cids = array_map( 'intval', $matches[1] );
+		$this->assertSame( array( $comment_1, $comment_2 ), $found_cids );
+	}
+
+	/**
+	 * @ticket 8071
+	 */
+	public function test_should_respect_comment_order_desc_when_default_comments_page_is_oldest() {
+		$now = time();
+		$p = $this->factory->post->create();
+		$comment_1 = $this->factory->comment->create( array(
+			'comment_post_ID' => $p,
+			'comment_content' => '1',
+			'comment_post_gmt' => date( 'Y-m-d H:i:s', $now - 100 ),
+		) );
+		$comment_2 = $this->factory->comment->create( array(
+			'comment_post_ID' => $p,
+			'comment_content' => '2',
+			'comment_post_gmt' => date( 'Y-m-d H:i:s', $now - 200 ),
+		) );
+
+		update_option( 'comment_order', 'desc' );
+		update_option( 'default_comments_page', 'oldest' );
+
+		$this->go_to( get_permalink( $p ) );
+		$found = get_echo( 'comments_template' );
+
+		// Life in the fast lane.
+		$comments = preg_match_all( '/id="comment-([0-9]+)"/', $found, $matches );
+
+		$found_cids = array_map( 'intval', $matches[1] );
+		$this->assertSame( array( $comment_2, $comment_1 ), $found_cids );
+	}
+
+	/**
+	 * @ticket 8071
+	 */
+	public function test_should_respect_comment_order_asc_when_default_comments_page_is_newest_on_subsequent_pages() {
+		$now = time();
+		$p = $this->factory->post->create();
+		$comment_1 = $this->factory->comment->create( array(
+			'comment_post_ID' => $p,
+			'comment_content' => '1',
+			'comment_post_gmt' => date( 'Y-m-d H:i:s', $now - 100 ),
+		) );
+		$comment_2 = $this->factory->comment->create( array(
+			'comment_post_ID' => $p,
+			'comment_content' => '2',
+			'comment_post_gmt' => date( 'Y-m-d H:i:s', $now - 200 ),
+		) );
+		$comment_3 = $this->factory->comment->create( array(
+			'comment_post_ID' => $p,
+			'comment_content' => '3',
+			'comment_post_gmt' => date( 'Y-m-d H:i:s', $now - 300 ),
+		) );
+		$comment_4 = $this->factory->comment->create( array(
+			'comment_post_ID' => $p,
+			'comment_content' => '4',
+			'comment_post_gmt' => date( 'Y-m-d H:i:s', $now - 400 ),
+		) );
+
+		update_option( 'comment_order', 'asc' );
+		update_option( 'default_comments_page', 'newest' );
+
+		$this->go_to( get_permalink( $p ) . '?cpage=2&comments_per_page=2' );
+		$found = get_echo( 'comments_template' );
+
+		// Life in the fast lane.
+		$comments = preg_match_all( '/id="comment-([0-9]+)"/', $found, $matches );
+
+		$found_cids = array_map( 'intval', $matches[1] );
+		$this->assertSame( array( $comment_3, $comment_4 ), $found_cids );
+	}
+
+	/**
+	 * @ticket 8071
+	 */
+	public function test_should_respect_comment_order_desc_when_default_comments_page_is_newest_on_subsequent_pages() {
+		$now = time();
+		$p = $this->factory->post->create();
+		$comment_1 = $this->factory->comment->create( array(
+			'comment_post_ID' => $p,
+			'comment_content' => '1',
+			'comment_post_gmt' => date( 'Y-m-d H:i:s', $now - 100 ),
+		) );
+		$comment_2 = $this->factory->comment->create( array(
+			'comment_post_ID' => $p,
+			'comment_content' => '2',
+			'comment_post_gmt' => date( 'Y-m-d H:i:s', $now - 200 ),
+		) );
+		$comment_3 = $this->factory->comment->create( array(
+			'comment_post_ID' => $p,
+			'comment_content' => '3',
+			'comment_post_gmt' => date( 'Y-m-d H:i:s', $now - 300 ),
+		) );
+		$comment_4 = $this->factory->comment->create( array(
+			'comment_post_ID' => $p,
+			'comment_content' => '4',
+			'comment_post_gmt' => date( 'Y-m-d H:i:s', $now - 400 ),
+		) );
+
+		update_option( 'comment_order', 'desc' );
+		update_option( 'default_comments_page', 'newest' );
+
+		$this->go_to( get_permalink( $p ) . '?cpage=2&comments_per_page=2' );
+		$found = get_echo( 'comments_template' );
+
+		// Life in the fast lane.
+		$comments = preg_match_all( '/id="comment-([0-9]+)"/', $found, $matches );
+
+		$found_cids = array_map( 'intval', $matches[1] );
+		$this->assertSame( array( $comment_4, $comment_3 ), $found_cids );
+	}
+
+	/**
+	 * @ticket 8071
+	 */
+	public function test_should_respect_comment_order_asc_when_default_comments_page_is_oldest_on_subsequent_pages() {
+		$now = time();
+		$p = $this->factory->post->create();
+		$comment_1 = $this->factory->comment->create( array(
+			'comment_post_ID' => $p,
+			'comment_content' => '1',
+			'comment_post_gmt' => date( 'Y-m-d H:i:s', $now - 100 ),
+		) );
+		$comment_2 = $this->factory->comment->create( array(
+			'comment_post_ID' => $p,
+			'comment_content' => '2',
+			'comment_post_gmt' => date( 'Y-m-d H:i:s', $now - 200 ),
+		) );
+		$comment_3 = $this->factory->comment->create( array(
+			'comment_post_ID' => $p,
+			'comment_content' => '3',
+			'comment_post_gmt' => date( 'Y-m-d H:i:s', $now - 300 ),
+		) );
+		$comment_4 = $this->factory->comment->create( array(
+			'comment_post_ID' => $p,
+			'comment_content' => '4',
+			'comment_post_gmt' => date( 'Y-m-d H:i:s', $now - 400 ),
+		) );
+
+		update_option( 'comment_order', 'asc' );
+		update_option( 'default_comments_page', 'oldest' );
+
+		$this->go_to( get_permalink( $p ) . '?cpage=2&comments_per_page=2' );
+		$found = get_echo( 'comments_template' );
+
+		// Life in the fast lane.
+		$comments = preg_match_all( '/id="comment-([0-9]+)"/', $found, $matches );
+
+		$found_cids = array_map( 'intval', $matches[1] );
+		$this->assertSame( array( $comment_1, $comment_2 ), $found_cids );
+	}
+
+	/**
+	 * @ticket 8071
+	 */
+	public function test_should_respect_comment_order_desc_when_default_comments_page_is_oldest_on_subsequent_pages() {
+		$now = time();
+		$p = $this->factory->post->create();
+		$comment_1 = $this->factory->comment->create( array(
+			'comment_post_ID' => $p,
+			'comment_content' => '1',
+			'comment_post_gmt' => date( 'Y-m-d H:i:s', $now - 100 ),
+		) );
+		$comment_2 = $this->factory->comment->create( array(
+			'comment_post_ID' => $p,
+			'comment_content' => '2',
+			'comment_post_gmt' => date( 'Y-m-d H:i:s', $now - 200 ),
+		) );
+		$comment_3 = $this->factory->comment->create( array(
+			'comment_post_ID' => $p,
+			'comment_content' => '3',
+			'comment_post_gmt' => date( 'Y-m-d H:i:s', $now - 300 ),
+		) );
+		$comment_4 = $this->factory->comment->create( array(
+			'comment_post_ID' => $p,
+			'comment_content' => '4',
+			'comment_post_gmt' => date( 'Y-m-d H:i:s', $now - 400 ),
+		) );
+
+		update_option( 'comment_order', 'desc' );
+		update_option( 'default_comments_page', 'oldest' );
+
+		$this->go_to( get_permalink( $p ) . '?cpage=2&comments_per_page=2' );
+		$found = get_echo( 'comments_template' );
+
+		// Life in the fast lane.
+		$comments = preg_match_all( '/id="comment-([0-9]+)"/', $found, $matches );
+
+		$found_cids = array_map( 'intval', $matches[1] );
+		$this->assertSame( array( $comment_2, $comment_1 ), $found_cids );
+	}
+}