ARE YOU READY PHIL!?
Music is streaming Tom Merritt on twitter: Apple has made their first announcement "Please turn electronic devices to silent." Does this meet expectations? I AM READY! "It\'s all better now" does that mean something?more
I WISH I HAD MONEY TO GIVE APPLE!
IT STARTED
Apple has patented the period!
Hi Aaron! You can complain now!
Finally! Two of you!
-
I\'ve seen this video before. It\'s good but I really wanted a new one.
OH MY GO.... oh it\'s just Tim Cook
They probably paid more for that video than Phil’s yearly salary.
Flower petals!
Thanks Bob.
BRING BACK THE FLOWER POWER IMACS!
PRODUCTS HE SAID PRODUCTS PLURAL! But first, I have a lot of large numbers to show you!
Take a drink!
Amazing 5C. Which no one is buying.
STUNNING
Should be “formerly of the Wall Street Journal”. I also hope they bring up Pogue.
Hey made a new video for you Aaron!
They should just play an old video.
Slide called video before the video.
I want a glass dodecahedron.
Look at all these happy people who are touching our products? Don\'t you want to be happy?
This better all be shot on an iPhone
“Shot on Film”
The Chinese are a happy people, when you give them iPhones
I’d be happy too if I had the money to blow on an unsubsidized iPhone 5s. Or eight.
Look, this guy bought 5 of them!
That guy bought up cases ... I hope the employees laughed at him.
He CAN speak for everyone at apple.
The cut at the end to the logo tag was awkward.
Hundreds of millions of customers.
“Formerly of the New York Times”
MORE BIG NUMBERS!!
I wish they put all of the zeroes on the screen. Then we could add up all of the zeroes. That is pretty stunning. We still have Windows XP running here.
Apple should be running the gov healthcare website.
No one wants to run that piece of junk.
He seems a little under prepared... is he excited or did he only practice this 12 times?
Apple is hopefully smart enough to stay out of government. “Thar be dragons!”
"After we paid him a hundred thousand dollars to say that..."
I’d do it for half that.
ANOTHER BIG NUMBER!
Not enough zeroes.
A SINGLE DIGIT BIG NUMBER!
There we go ... nine zeroes!
6 Zeros! 10 Zeroes! STAGGERING!
Personally, I love the fact that Apple is thumbing their nose at all of the graphic designers out there by continuing to use those icons.
9 more zeroes! Phenomenal!
Take a drink for each zero?
Can I get checks with the Apple logo on them? For all my apple purchases...
How soon until you die of alcohol poisoning? LOL
Dead
I bet Tim has it. And we’re giving Mavericks away for free today! Sorry Siracusa!
Was Tim around at the beginning? How does he know that that has always been the single purpose?
Heh. I think Steve probably left him a note in his desk.
What\'s wrong with the slides?
Ooooo.... competition! Take a drink.
“Dear Tim, this is what Apple is about.”
I\'d hit that.
Lots if weird shapes dimming over the slides
Its a feature.
A feabug! YES! CRAIG!
YAY CRAIG!!! Who\'s Craig? HAIR FORCE ONE!!
10 10
I like the fact that he owns up to the fact that his hair is greying. He’s like “I have grey hair ... so I’m going to have a ton of it.”
Smooth the Mac experience.
It looks more bronze today... did he go gold?
Hhmm. Maybe. Hanging out with Jony.
Wait... what? LOL My door is open Craig! My door is open!
Oh Craig, I was on the Apple Campus when he did his first event and he was NERVOUS.
He likes to talk with hand motions.
Run ALL the apps!
GRADIENTS ON EVERYTHING! Whoa! That\'s a small number!
I love it.
AND NOW ITS A BIG NUMBER AGAIN!
Wait, where are we. Someone brought me a cable that looks like S-Video to USB ... which is basically impossible.
LOL Seems legit.
They love their “x”s.
Yay! updates to a browser I don\'t use! You can play tag in the finder!
Display-handling is much better. Ah, I love flubs. They aren’t robots.
...is with a new computer!
Lip sync.
And here we have a new Mac Pro driving two 4K monitors.
The mac has no equal when it comes to running Pages.
You can have it for only 75,000 euros.
Which is like 34 cents American.
Apple rocket!
Jony has some in the lab.
"We bought NASA"
iLaunch
Got a good deal from the government.
Launch pad
Oooh, those are new icons.... is this a new Pages?
I have a feeling Amazon would buy NASA before Apple.
Did I miss him saying that this is a new Pages?
Probably just Bezos. No.
Free shipping to Mars.
He hasn’t said it yet ...
That would make sense, because it would be silly for them to give old features... but those are new icons! PAGES 2014!!!
Maybe the rover needs a new iPhone.
LOL
Oh Craig. Nice work bringing the wife into the event.
Dang, he\'s taken ;-p He\'s canceling that account the minute he gets off stage.
And now my social security number...
There\'s probably an intern doing that for him right now.
But you\'ll never get my thumbprint.
THIS DEMO IS FANTASTIC It\'s more of a comic routine than anything new.
New calendar app! *rimshot*
Alright, now for the good stuff! ... date ... price ...
so we actually released it yesterday!
Free.
... Wait... wait wait...
It’s free. Has to be free.
New era.
Or they’re going to pay you!
has to be fre:OIHSEg;kuahrg ouhWTPOIUGGSR:IGH SK>JGu;SFghe a;ofg ;SFUY[OISDUg;aefgn.kajefhg ;oadufghd ;oaeirgp ;Skadgipy9q347t;gkufbvzkdjb;adigue a;eorpugy ap97fdgy bpiduzlfbkv.zkjxcvh;a owithg2;iuhlzbdfjk
And it was shipped last week! Come on Craig ...
With the purchase of an overpriced machine.
FREE FOR EVERYONE LIKE LINUX
That’s awesome. Great work.
Wow Wow Woooooow!
Entitled to Mavericks.
TODAY!! A:OIY POGUSRH:IGUHSFPIUG&SF*I
BOOM!
I"M CALLING IN SICK.
Siracusa just cried.
Ok. Presentations over. Go get Mavericks.
LOL
I\'M NOT BACKED UP!!!
UNTUCKED SHIRT!
I WASN\'T PREPARED FOR THIS
This is great news. I like that they’re going free for everyone. That’s awesome.
Cue Video of People screaming and running out of Apple stores with free OS
LOOT ALL THE THINGS
That is the problem. I still remember paying $129 for Tiger.
Oooh, Macbook Pro update?
FOR A BOX! That poor tree. Haswell. I’m guessing non-Retina is dead.
WHAT? HOW CAN THEY DO THIS BLACK MAGIC!?!?
So thin you can cut yourself on the edges.
... and it is purple. That’s good news. Prices Phil.
The Black Knight.
I only buy purple computer chips.
Only on iTunes.
Same here.
WIFI has air conditioning now!
I’m guessing hardware decoding helps with that.
!!!! That\'s not much more than my air... TODAY!!??!
MacBook Air is free!
We\'re going FREE in a BIG WAY.
No more non-Retina.
5C is free cause we can\'t sell them all.
We\'re printing money, you can have anything for free at this point.
And a toaster!
We\'ll just make more money to cover the cost.
$1799. BLAH!
Free posters for your wall with petals.
Duh.
I didn\'t realize that computers were so expensive.
LOL
MORE CHECKBOXES!!
Free Mercury!
That $1299 13” is tempting.
Mac Pro.
A very significant, if unsurprising update. “blown away”
Blown away by the Trash can.
That is one powerful fan.
I think this is all cinema 4D... I don\'t think they actually built one.
They’re just going to bring out an old case.
"Simply remarkable."
The Mac Pro is virtual. You don\'t get a box. Cloud based.
LOL
THE FASTEST MEMORY!* (*that we have ever put in a mac)
We finally put graphics cards that aren\'t old in a Mac.
That is some speedy storage. Yup, spinning rust taps out at about 120 MB/sec.
We\'ll even sell you this case that matches to put your drives into!
For a single drive. Who is going to be the first to mod a real Trash can with a RAID array to Thunderbolt?
I can\'t wait to see the enclosures people make to go with this device.
Row of Trash cans daisy chained together.
Packed and built for expansion.
It\'s only one Mac Pro. I know it looks like ten.
That is one dense machine.
"We can\'t imagine what people can do with this."
So we’ve decided to not sell it to people ... only robots!
FREE
Final Cut Pro X. It\'s all Downhill from here.
I do not know these people.
And... that\'s why...
I think Phil probably sleeps with these things.
This Mac Pro is killer.
This Mac Pro is (a) killer. Whew. This is going to get expensive fast.
3K. hmmm
Not terrible. However, now I need to price out the TOP OF THE LINE model and find out if it can cost more than my house. Should be able to do it.
SO RECYCLABLE that you can throw it into the Trash... or use it as a Trash can.
30k
"THIS CHART PROVES IT"
That cannot be understated, less power is a big deal when you get some space heaters together. Whew. That’s nuts. I have a Mac mini under my desk right now.
You\'re nuts. You\'re going to buy like 6 of these.
I wish.
We made another video for you!
NEW VIDEO
I wonder how hard of a sell a lab of Mac Pros would be. There you go Aaron.
Better be edited on FCPX.
I want to hear the disembodied voice of Jony Ive!
JEFF WILLIAM THE COMPOSER!... oh wait... not the same guy.
Not this Williams fellow!
Shiny, captain.
Robots!
Oh, he has a Jarvis too!
This is what having 100+ billion in the bank can do for your product line.
Who assembles the assembly line?
I want a tour .
It is like a freaking laboratory for a single computer line from a single company. Alright, I want one. Crap.
If I buy a Mac Pro do I get an assembly line tour too?
How to convince my boss to get me two ... Maybe when you get the top-of-the-line model?
There\'s more!?!?!?
EDDIE!
Eddie! Who is Eddie?
Appses
He seems like a mobster.
BIGGEST UPDATES EVER
LOL Another drink?
He is a mobster.
He does do the negotiating.
WE REDESIGNED THE ICONS!
LOL
Designed to look different!
We are going to kill the competition.
Crap. I am going to spend money. 64-bit!
It\'s all free Bob! IT\'S ALL FREE!
I wish I could get a free Mac Pro. I spent $2000 on my original 15” PowerBook G4 ... $3K on a Mac Pro ...
I you have iOS, because, let\'s be honest, we know you do, and if you don\'t security will escort you out.
LOL
You have to show your iPhone to get in.
Photo Books are extremely popular. Bringing them to the iPad is an excellent move.
iPhoto! The same, but we changed the icon!
“amazing”
iMovie is new from the ground up! Because we like to do that every so often... You don\'t need to edit!
iMovie has ONE button now!
New design! Because we can\'t quite figure this out for reals...
WHAT WIZARDS DO THEY HIRE!
We simplified the interface, so that you can\'t actually do anything with the things... because that\'s complicated and we want it to be simple.
I think we call this “value add.”
iMovie theater. More file management users won\'t understand.
Geez Apple ...
The most popular musical creation app... in the world... that is part of ilife... It\'s asterisks all the way down.
Remember when we couldn’t even make phone calls from our phones because we didn’t have one ... now you can record whole albums from one. LOL
Everything is killer .
I don\'t remember that.
Serials.
Click the drummer button, and we\'ll send one to your house.
WE NO LONGER NEED DRUMMERS!
Siri. I need a beat.
OR HUMANS!
What is this I don\'t even...
The drummers have names.
"We have so much money we\'re trying to spend it as fast as we can, but it\'s just not working... we really don\'t understand it..."
In. App. Purchase.
@aaron - Unlike real drummers... who don\'t have names.
Is that a bio next to the photo?
I have a feeling that he drew the short straw because this is his baby.
DRUMMER
Mobster.
"That was AWESOME... I love garageband..."
He just gets stuff done.
Is he drunk?
NO! I WANT FREE FOR EVERYONE!
FREE drummers.
AUUGH... free for everyone plz!
...I guess I need to purchase a new Mac. NEW ICONS! 64-bit please?
Free pizza tray where the optical drive used to be.
Collaboration?
Of course it\'s 64 bit. It\'s free for new users.
Could it be a pizza oven?
Because SCREW PEOPLE WHO NEED TO UPGRADE.
Drummers don\'t work on an empty stomach
We can\'t afford to give EVERYONE iWork.
You could probably cook a pizza on top of a Mac Pro.
Will drum for food.
Microsoft Office sucks. That is what he meant.
What hasn\'t apple reinvented?
The Mac Pro had an integrated stovetop.
LOL
I like that.
MacPro Grill.
It now presents for us?
WHAT!?!?!?
I’m sure no one noticed. Plus, if it crashes, no one will care.
PLOT TWIST
Video of famous director eating grilled Sandwich while swiping with greasy fingers.
WHOA
LOL
DEMO!
I still feel like Eddie Cue should be knocking the heads of the movie studios right now.
No one lets you do what we do with our app because no one loves you like apple loves you. That\'s easy to imagine
Plus, he has a great mobster name.
HE\'s a rapper! BLING BLING
He wears a Mac Pro on a chain around his neck.
LOL Steve is rolling in his grave.
Oh a semi-serious note, I like that they take pots at themselves and each other.
POT. That\'s probably the problem.
All their meetings are nonsense and jokes now that Steve isn\'t there to tell them to get back to work.
LOL
Bob, did you see John Siracusa\'s tweet?
Yes I did. I have a feeling “scrambling” doesn’t get to the heart of that.
Oh geez.
WAIT WAIT WAIT ... IS THIS COLLABORATION!
Not by my definition...
Stuck on a PC. Free.
FREE FOR EVERYONE ... NOPE, Chuck Testa! With new purchase.
. Today
I\'m just going to sell my Macbook air and buy a new one.
Always. CRUDDY CRUD CRUD!
The biggest day ever for apps.
Geez ... 20 apps!
Apple doesn\'t care about previous customers
... COME ON PODCAST.APP!
20 apps? I only saw 3 or 4
They’re pushing updates for 20 apps today.
iPad announcement?
On it\'s ear!
I’m guessing that is next. We’re only one hour in.
ON IT\'S EAR $1.99 upgrades! FREE MACS FOR EVERYONE!
LOL
TIM COOK FOR PRESIDENT!
I remember paying $10 for the iPod touch update. The sad part, they could give away almost everything and they’d still make money. Netbooks are old Chromebooks ...
LOOK AT ALL THESE LARGE NUMBERS! this chart proves that bigger numbers are near the top of the chart!
That curve is going up and to the right!
Maybe they flipped the chart?
I can\'t think of another product that has sold this many numbers of product!
Doubters...
NO ONE has ever sold 170 million of anything!
Blueberry Pie chart.
Too bad I don’t like blueberries.
Look at this pie chart! We\'re larger than the thing that isn\'t us!
iPad now blue flavored.
Since we started tracking this, we have been the best at tracking this.
iOS 7.1 today?
No one else can match this. NO ONE.
More zeroes.
If we say this enough, everyone will believe it.
Productive. Look a racing game!
Too much exposition. “No new iPads!” “We designed iPad ...” Like a family pet.
Video!
“We fed Molly...”
Video!
LOOK AT ALL THESE BIG NUMBERS!!! But let\'s be honest, it\'s not about the numbers... though, our numbers are bigger than other people\'s numbers, but we really want to focus on our Quality... OF THIS NEW VIDEO!
They should do an audio-only video.
Look Bob! A farming app!
I WAS COMBINING THIS WEEKEND!
It\'s like they understand you!
Sadly, that particular one is tied to a particular system on very expensive new machines.
This is the best video.
Look, here\'s a firefighter playing angry birds.
Surgeons playing ERT2
I’ve personally used my iPad for business meetings. How are these people getting cell reception in these areas!?
It\'s much more interesting to look at the world through your iPad if you\'re at the great wall of China.
I want to know how many of the shots are real. Some seem too good to be true
That\'s an amazing video... And amazing stories...
Lots of helicopter shots.
...so we hire pixar to make movies about every scene in that video. HEY! IT\'S OTHER ME!
Phil’s back! BRING US CRAIG!
Hello! 13 INCH IPAD
Craig is doing his hair.
And tucking in his shirt. "Relentless path"
Remarkable. DRINK!
Biggest step.
"Incredible vision," "Quite remarkable" In VIDEO FORM!
Video.
Why do we hate articles?
It\'s anti gravity!
No TouchID.
Wait, what?
I didn’t see it.
NEW NEW IPAD
iPad Air? WHAT THE FREAK!?
iPad air? Really?
Wait... 9.7 is air?
Has to be pricing pressure.
So... what happened to the mini?
Drop the price on Fat iPad.
The NEW NEW IPAD AIR MINI!
Drop the price on iPad mini.
That\'s an amazingly thin iPad!
Little numbers!
Nicely stated Aaron.
LOOK AT HOW SMALL THESE NUMBERS ARE! No one has numbers this small!
More tiny numbers.
No way lighter?
It would be awesome if it were heavier.
It\'s so light it might blow away outdoors.
Lightest Full size tablet in the world*
“We’ve made it out of lead!” A7 ...
The AIR... BLOWS everything away... get it? get it? get it?
Which is good, but ... TouchID?
Blue curves!
Too thin for touch id.
That’s important because IT IS PUSHING DESKTOP RESOLUTION! That’s my thought as well.
What\'s MIMO?
Using multiple antenna for wifi.
hmmm
Faster, better range, etc. “It is better, you’re going to buy it, so just go now.”
Dual microphones! Stereo recordings! No gold?
Same battery life that much thinner and lighter, what are they doing?
Magic.
$4.99! WERE GOING FREE BABY!
WHAT!? IPAD 2 IS STILL AROUND!?
We\'re keeping this iPad around for people who still like things that weigh a ton.
Has to do with graphics only, the A6X and A5X were SERIOUSLY underpowered graphics wise.
Video!
Please bring Jony ... YES!
JOHNNY IVES!
Jony Ives.
Aluminium ... come on ... say it ... I was afraid that Jony has left ...
Robot that drops iPads.
Is the mini gone?
Airplanes!
Don’t know yet. We’ll see. AND AIRPLANES!
More planes.
LOL
THE IPAD AIR ... GET IT ... AIRPLANES! PEOPLE JUMPING IN THE AIR!
I don\'t understand.
STANDING IN AIR!
That\'s looked like an expensive apartment.
Can you explain it?
Craig!
YES! BRING OUT CRAIG!
Tom Merritt: "We have machined the tears of unicorns into the edge and compressed babies wishes into it\'s case. It weighs 1 butterfly kiss." "The newest thing we built is the most advanced thing we have ever built"
And now we’ve decided to discontinue it and release the iPad nano!
He\'s struggling for a list of things that people do with their iPad... CRASH AND BURN!
It is hard when they do so many things. Missed it, what was announced? Ah, Retina ...
It\'s only $399!
LOL
You can hear a pin drop in the audience.
LOL A significant price point, but ... eh.
Oh, $299... and then they clap...
I cannot believe that the iPad 2 is hanging around. Truly a zombie. Did I miss the fact that the Air has an A6X? Sorry, mini.
Reach under your seat. Free iPads for everyone
Another video It\'s hiding behind this pencil.
Ipencil.
iPad. iPad 2. New iPad. iPad Air. Because we can\'t figure out a naming scheme that works...
Just play the Mac Pro assembly line video again.
No musical guest? SELL YOUR STOCK
Eddy. He\'s gonna play.
4 grand for the 6-core Mac Pro. 6 GB of video RAM.
Hmmm
Thank you gentleman.
No, thank you.
Thanks for a magical event
Darn right!
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| Requirements | Minimums | Status | Minimums | Status |
| Age | Lorem ipsum | Yes | Lorem ipsum | Yes |
| Total | Lorem ipsum | 100% | Lorem ipsum | 100% |
| Education | Lorem ipsum | Yes | n/a | |
| Concentration | Lorem ipsum | Yes | n/a | |
| Certification | Lorem ipsum | No | n/a | |
| Recognized Coursework | Lorem ipsum | TBD | n/a | |
| Lorem ipsum | Lorem ipsum | Yes | n/a | |
| Lorem ipsum | Lorem ipsum | Yes | n/a | |
| Lorem ipsum | Lorem ipsum | Yes | n/a | |
| Lorem ipsum | Lorem ipsum | Yes | n/a | |
| Lorem ipsum | Lorem ipsum | 80% | 200 hours | 80% |
| Lorem ipsum | Lorem ipsum | by credit | 100 hours | by credit |
| Lorem ipsum | Lorem ipsum | 60% | 50 hours | 60% |
| Lorem ipsum | Lorem ipsum | by credit | 75 hours | by credit |
| Lorem ipsum | Lorem ipsum | Yes | 250 hours | Yes |
| Lorem ipsum | Lorem ipsum | Yes | 100 hours | Yes |
| Lorem ipsum | Lorem ipsum | Yes | 25 hours | Yes |
| Lorem ipsum | Effective Aug 2014 | n/a | n/a | |
| Lorem ipsum | Lorem ipsum | Dec \'14 | Dec \'14 | |
| Lorem ipsum | Lorem ipsum | Yes | 2nd Class | Yes |